I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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