I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
