I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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