If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
