We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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