Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
