guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
