Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
