I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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