Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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