I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
