i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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