dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
