I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
