I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
