i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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