just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
