i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
