it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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