Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
