he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
