I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
