I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
