I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
