Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
