So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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