look no pants
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize