Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize