I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
