Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
