Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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