I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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