If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
