yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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