You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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