My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
