I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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