so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
