i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize