just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
