just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
