just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
