I heard we made out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
