I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
