Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
