Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
