get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
