I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
