Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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