the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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