ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
