I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
