Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
