so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
