I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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