Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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