So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
