Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
