He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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