ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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