Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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