You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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