i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
