I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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