Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
