Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize