boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
