i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I believe in your delicious
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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