New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
