I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
