Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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