i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
